frozen conversations

posted in: Mindful Communication | 0

Mindfulness meditation makes us more aware of the inner conversations– those dramas that run over and over again in our minds.  We recruit people to play certain roles in these inner conversations, but when we look closely we realize they are dream-masks.  They aren’t real people.   Our inner conversations are just thoughts spinning in thin air.  But listen carefully, and we find that these internal dialogues are pretty close to 100% negative.  Why?  Because the frozen dramas that run through our mind are trying to manage fear.  Here are a few examples:


  • the see-saw: We compare ourselves to someone wearing the mask of ‘inferior’, and we try to prove we’re better.  Why are we afraid of not being good enough as we are?
  • the courtroom:  We find ourselves arguing our case, proving we’re right against someone wearing the mask of ‘enemy’.  Why do we doubt ourselves?
  • looking up the ladder:  We obsess about competing with someone who’s wearing the mask of “superior”.  Why do we need to prove ourselves?
  • mistrust:  We replay scenerios that prove we can’t trust someone we depend on.  Why don’t we trust ourselves?
  • punishing:  We’re caught in relatiation fantasies about punishing someone cast in the role of ‘unforgiveable’.  Why is disappointment so threatening?


With mindfulness practice we discover that we spend more time listening to our thoughts and inner conversations than we do in the real world.  So our intention is to turn that around and interrupt these imaginary dramas, giving ourselves a breath of fresh air and a reality check.   Coming back to nowness is giving ourselves a break, reconnecting with who we really are:  awake, tender and open.   And in the process, the people in our lives get to be who they really are as well, unmasked from the roles we project on them.